it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
