I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina just recognized that song.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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