I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
