You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
