I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
