u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
