I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
