Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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