You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
