so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
