When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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