so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
