I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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