So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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