My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
