My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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