She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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