Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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