ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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