Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
