I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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