***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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