I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize