I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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