Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
