you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
