she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
