Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
