you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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