i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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