The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
