There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
