Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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