No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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