Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
