oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
