he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
