good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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