you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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