i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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