I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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