Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
