i think i have two assholes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
