the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
