'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize