i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
