I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
