i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
