Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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