I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
