Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize