Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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