Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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