So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
