hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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