it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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