Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
