Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
