Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
