Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
