she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
