Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
