I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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