wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
