....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
