ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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