Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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