Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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