You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
