I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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