Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
