Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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