"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
