All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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