weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
