thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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