Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
