Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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