i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
