he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
