Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
