On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
