But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
