I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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