yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
