I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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