I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
