Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
