Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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