I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
