I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
