youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
