I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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