I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
God, I missed his penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
