the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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