i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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