Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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