I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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